Finding Balance And Joy This Holiday Season!
As I try to gather my thoughts and put something useful on paper, I can feel the weight of all that has happened this year. We have three weeks to the end of 2023, and much changed in the world and our personal lives.
December is the last month of the year and the first month of winter. It is also the month of many cultural and religious celebrations and rituals.
Most people would agree that December can be hectic. Articles on surviving family get-togethers, gift shopping, traveling, and social events are hard to miss.
The thing is, I love this season and its rituals, and the older I become, the more I resist the idea of having to survive the craziness of the holidays. I don’t want to merely survive; I want to enjoy this season and what it offers.
Of course, I am not immune to the stress and overwhelm we are all subjected to this time of the year. Neither am I naive enough to believe that we can avoid drama altogether. There are certain realities we cannot avoid.
I do believe, though, that we have more control than we think over what to say yes to and what to say no to. Of course, no one approach fits all, but we can find what works for us and try to do things differently.
We must be open and honest with ourselves and our needs for change to take hold. There is much to be grateful for; why not focus on opening up to the season’s goodness instead of the anxiety-producing rituals?
What if we changed our mindset from survival-focused to
creating opportunities for rest and enjoyment?
What possibilities and alternative ways of doing things would come into focus then?
Creating space in your day to do what helps you feel cared for, safe, and content is to open the door for enjoyment to enter. It doesn’t have to be anything significant and time-consuming unless, of course, you want to.
If you find lists helpful and like “seeing” where you invest your time and energy, the following exercise can help.
Take 10-15 minutes to sit down with two pieces of paper, a pen, and a highlighter.
- Think of your must-dos, social calendar, and obligations for the season. Write it all down.
- Review your list and pay attention to how your body responds.
- What items on your list fill you up with anticipation and excitement? Use your highlighter and highlight those.
- What items on your list fill you up with dread and tension? Leave those be.
- Notice the balance, or lack thereof, between what excites you and causes you anxiety and stress.
- On another piece of paper, write down everything you look forward to and everything that makes you feel warm inside. You may want to reflect on what you love about this time of the year and add it to your “feel good” list.
- Return to the first list and look at the items that make you anxious. Focus on each and ask yourself, “Do I have to go through with this?”
- If the answer is no, then go ahead and say No!
- If the answer is yes, ask yourself, “Is there an easier way to do this?”
- Listen to what comes up and choose what you would like to follow through with.
If you would like to talk it through with a good friend after you complete this reflection, go ahead. It helps to hear ourselves think out loud, have someone we trust to listen, and give us the encouragement and support we may need.
As you become better at creating space for enjoyment and rest in your day,
you will find it easier to go through with the activities that are a bit more stressful.
I hope you give yourself the gift of sitting down for a loving conversation with yourself about what this time of the year means to you and what makes you happy.
Remember that perfectionism can rob you of enjoying the fruits of your labor. “Good enough” is often the difference between enjoyment and resentment.
May you give yourself permission to do a bit less and enjoy a bit more!
May you continue to find yourself in places where you are loved, share your goodness, and smile with all.
I hope the season is kind to you and that you can be even kinder to yourself.
May you find joy, peace, and inspiration as you walk through the season!
With love and gratitude, always!
Yota
2 Comments
Linda Samuels
You always give the best advice and path forward. I love the reframe of embracing more joy and less stress this holiday season. We’ve said “yes” to many social engagements- many more than typical. But it IS the season. However, before saying “yes,” we talked them through. In turn, this definitely made me think about changing one of our annual traditions of hosting on New Year’s Eve. With all the gatherings this month, I knew I’d need quiet on December 31st. So it will be just me and Steve celebrating together, which I’m happy about. It’s always a special evening for us. We call it our ‘other’ anniversary. Because on December 31, 1980, we reconnected again after being apart for a bunch of years and have been together ever since.
As I sit to write, next to me are two lists. They aren’t the ones you mentioned, but other ones. The first is my digital task list which cues me what to attend do each day. This helps me narrow my focus on a daily basis. The items are comprised of single one-and-done type tasks and cues to work on long term projects.
The second list is a handwritten chart of “Upcoming Projects” which includes workshops and a volunteer project for the next four months. At a glance I can see the tiny next steps needed to move each one along and the bigger arch or timeline for when things are due.
Using these two lists along with my calendar help me to choose what I will invite in, release, or say “no” to.
It’s also not just about projects and tasks. In my calendar, I make sure to include white space and quiet days to bounce back from fuller days, social engagements, and happenings. It’s how I create balance in my life.
Yota Schneider
Dear Linda,
Thank you for your thoughtful response. When it comes to making wise choices and creating balance in your life, you are amazing. You are clear and decisive. You don’t only help your clients to achieve the level of life balance they wish for, but you walk your talk. That’s what makes you so good at what you do.
My warmest congratulations to you and Steve for your “other anniversary!” What a beautiful landmark and on December 31st no less. I think it’s wonderful that you two decided to keep that evening for you alone! Here’s to many more celebrations of your special day of finding each other again.